Skip to main content

Don't make promises you can't keep


A gift for every guest.
American celebrity Samuel Ward McAllister reputedly said the following:
“A dinner invitation, once accepted, is a sacred obligation. If you die before the dinner takes place, your executor must attend.”

The Arabic term InsyaAllah which means “God willing” or “If is God’s will” essentially conveys the same message.

Muslims are taught to add InsyaAllah to the end of a declaration of intent. For example, a friend invites you to his son’s wedding party and you graciously accept the invitation: “Thank you very much for inviting me to your son's wedding. I will be there, InsyaAllah (God willing)”.

The phrase InsyaAllah reminds Muslims that they are not privy to God’s plan and they cannot say with any certainty where they will be at a particular point in time. Sickness, death -- whether that of a family member or their own -- and other compelling situations could prevent them from fulfilling all their obligations, social or otherwise.

The above argument allows Muslims to break their commitments when circumstances beyond their control force them to go back on their promises to friends and relatives.

Yet many have chosen to interpret InsyaAllah as a means of avoiding duty and have used the term without paying serious attention to its significance. To them, it is a euphemistic way of saying “I don’t really want to attend your son’s wedding but I don’t want to make you feel bad either.” So they say InsyaAllah and don’t turn up. Somehow, that makes them feel better about their ambivalence towards the invitation, not realising that they have degraded the value of InsyaAllah.

What’s behind this talk about obligation? I am searching for the right words to explain my recent predicament. I had said “yes” to a wedding invitation last weekend but changed my mind later and began hatching a plan to evade it.
Love this elegant kebaya wedding cake. 
Blame it on fatigue. The last few months have been hectic social-wise. I had received invitations to several social gatherings back to back. I had no energy for one more evening of flashing tired smiles and making small talk to friends and strangers.

How do I decline it? Since I could not offer a plausible excuse I reluctantly made my way to the wedding reception last Saturday.

Much to my surprise the evening was better than I had imagined. My friend was very happy to see me -- the genuine look of happiness on her face touched my heart. It was well worth the effort.

McAllister’s publicly quoted utterance and the Arabic expression are useful reminders of keeping one's word.
Labels:

Comments

Soo Ling said…
I've come across so many who used that term so loosely to evade responsibilities at work. It gives the idea that you are not committed, as if it is a 'come what may' attitude towards appointments and deadlines.
14 July 2011 at 16:12
Faezah Ismail said…
Sadly, that is true. They have no awareness of standards and the need to be punctual and keep their appointments. It is very annoying when that happens!
14 July 2011 at 17:56
Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Why Shamsul Amri dislikes Facebook

Professor Shamsul Amri Baharuddin People who do not use Facebook fall into three broad categories. The first group is completely indifferent to it, the second finds it mildly irritating and the third dislikes it intensely. Malaysia's prominent sociologist Professor Shamsul Amri Baharuddin is of the last type. I made the mistake of asking Shamsul, who is director of the Institute of Ethnic Studies at Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia, if he was on Facebook, the social network which was hatched up in the dormitories of Harvard six years ago. "I have a face and I keep thousands of books. Why do I need Facebook?" How do you react to that reply? I didn't. I meekly invited him to elaborate on his reasons. "Facebook will take away my soul and I won't allow that to happen because I am a believer," says Shamsul fiercely, who launched into a tirade of accusations against Facebook. Ninety per cent of the things you read on Facebook are either p...
7 comments
Read more

A spot of rural tranquillity in Ipoh

Your nerves are frayed and you need a dose of pleasingly rustic ambience without having to leave the city. There is such a spot for you, if you are in Ipoh. All you need to do is head for a block of flats called Kinta Heights in Pekan Lama, Ipoh, Perak, which is next to the Kinta River, one of the main branches of the Perak River. Unbelievable, as it may seem, there are several nasi kandar outlets and sundry shops in the vicinity, set in the greenery, with a view and a walking path. I suggest that you have lunch at Ramli Nasi Kandar and after that, take a very short walk to the river bank for your rural retreat. You might be motivated to spend 10 minutes or more in total silence and tranquillity. This is the place I go to again and again. Ramli Nasi Kandar is next to the sundry shop A short bridge to the river bank  You will feel irritated by people putting litter on the ground but I refuse to allow that to distract me. There is a 'Do not litter' notice her...
Post a Comment
Read more

Giving New Year resolutions another chance

In the spirit of New Year resolutions doing the rounds, I have a story to share. My friend Rabiaa Dani gave up making resolutions a long time ago. She found it hard to keep her promises made at the start of each year. The issue had given her a lot of grief over the years. Frustration ensued when her New Year resolutions went out of the window, often culminating with her beating herself up. The first few days were good but she would falter after the first week. She felt bad about her lack of willpower and would feel depressed and unworthy of respect or value. So she decided that she would no longer make them. However, unknown to her, she would review this decision at the end of 2017. What happened? Rabiaa and her husband attended a talk by Ustaz Dato' Badli Shah bin Alauddin at Komplex Darul Baraqah in Manjoi, Ipoh, Perak on December 28, 2017. The Ustaz from Pahang is one Rabiaa's favourite preachers and she hardly misses his religious talks on television. This was the first...
Post a Comment
Read more