Friday, November 06, 2009
Your cheating heart!
"I don't trust him," JP said, in a rare moment of candour.
I was completely taken aback by JP's revelation that her partner had been cheating on her.
They have been together for nearly 19 years and that was the first time she had uttered those words.
JP's declaration got me thinking about the concept of trust: the belief that somebody is sincere and honest and will not try to harm or trick you.
A recent episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show disclosed that one in three men cheat on their spouses and 93 per cent of men hide their sexual affairs from their wives.
If trust is a rare and precious commodity in today's world, is there hope for relationships to thrive?
I don't have any answers.
Apparently family counsellor, rabbi and best-selling author Gary Neuman does.
He carried out a two-year study of 100 unfaithful men and 100 faithful men and the findings were documented in his book entitled The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do To Prevent It.
I first heard about Neuman on The Oprah Winfrey Show and later read an article by Newsweek's Jessica Ramirez about his book.
His research showed that even good men are susceptible to cheating.
Many men turned to other women because they felt an emotional disconnection from their wives who no longer appreciate them.
So long as men feel that their wives value them, they will "stay in the game".
Otherwise, they will seek the company of other women: those who will give them the appreciation they crave so much.
I told JP about Neuman's book and his findings.
She groans: "Why does it always have to be about men and their needs?"
Photo by Jehan Mohd.
NOTE: For more on the topic, read Suzanna Pillay's interview with best-selling authors Allan and Barbara Pease about their book Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love in Life & Times on November 10, 2009. The pair also wrote Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps.